My 16 year old daughter is dating a 18 year old
That does not mean, that if you think she is too young that you need to hide that opinion, but present it in a way that acknowledges her ability to make different decisions, and make sure it conveys your concerns about the effects her choices may have on her rather than an issue of right or wrong. When adults approached me in this way when I was a teen, they made the most impact. As for the rules themselves, I think that the rules we set for teenagers are a safety net, not a protective coating, the kids can get around them if they are determined. You are obviously aware that a teen who is acting out like this will rebel against very restrictive rules, but that still leaves you room to maneuver.
The task of a teenager is to become an adult, when a teen is troubled it is imperative that they learn that the responsibility for their actions is theirs alone.
It is a hard concept for teens anyone? I guess that is what I would most emphasize: PS - Alanon might be supportive for you as the parent, even if she is not using any substances, the issues are close enough. So I must ask first: What is it that you hope to accomplish with your rules?
Want to add to the discussion?
It's unclear to me what your goals are, and this is the first step in setting up guidelines or procedures of any sort. It sounds from your message as if you are conflicted with regard to your goal. If you could, you might want to have a goal of get teen to stop having sex. But you seem equally convinced that this is not achievable. One possible starting place to think about your goals might be: Have teen and parents be both happy and safe. Then you can identify the sub-parts of this goal that will contribute to this. For instance, as you mentioned, garnering cooperation from another parent might be one route though it hasn't worked so far.
15 Year Old Dating 18 Year Old: My Daughter Wants to Date an Older Boy
Getting appropriate health care for the teen might be another--taking her to the Planned Parenthood, or your physician, and getting her a complete checkup including STD screening, and good solid information on both pregnancy prevention and STDs, with access to appropriate condoms required in this day and age and possibly also hormonal protection as well pill, Depo-Provera, whatever. Dragging her to this would not help, but having her understand that you are in partnership with her to ensure her safety as well as your peace of mind probably will.
It's a business book called The Goal, by Eliyahu? It is a novel about manufacturing processes. And more strangely, it's very readable--even enjoyable! The reason I think that it's useful in this case is that it talks about identifying what your goal is, and how to figure out where your bottlenecks are in the process.
Even better is the second book, called It's Not Luck. In that one, they set out some really powerful thinking processes that can help you identify a conflict, and see where seemingly irreconcilable differences can be shifted, if you can identify incorrect assumptions. The two together are actually pretty amazing, and there are several occasions when the examples used are from the protagonist's family life, so it's even clear how to apply it outside of the business world.
The process is very powerful, and my husband and I are planning to incorporate it into our personal and relationship coaching tools. Feel free to e-mail me individually, if you wish. I have much more specific advice to offer, if you want it. And I assure you, it was not wonderful a few years ago, so it's not like we just have some miraculous kid, or are some unachievably enlightened parents ourselves!
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Challenging, but highly worth it. Dawn I want to refer you and any other parents to a wonderful resource for any kind of parenting issues: I speak from my own experience as a teen who was sexually active at 14 and avoided getting pregnant but did NOT avoid sexually traumatic and exploitive situations invariably by older adults and not my peers.
First to the extent possible make sure that your daughter uses the pill or another highly effective form of birth control. Encourage her and her regular boyfriend if she has one to go as a couple to Planned Parenthood for an information session; in any case, make sure that someone other than you ensures that she is very well informed about birth control and STDs and gets some coaching on the latest ways to persuade partners to use a condom.
Second, help her to understand deeply that she alone can decide if she is consenting in consensual safe sex.
Being pressured into having sex when she doesn't want to have sex attacks a girl's core self esteem and can lead to other problems with alcohol, drugs, self-cutting, etc. Let her know how very important it is to ask herself how SHE feels and if SHE is ready to have sex with this particular person at this particular moment.
16 dating an 18 year old? - The Student Room
She needs to know that although having genuinely consensual safe sex can be a joyful experience, she may need help to handle the feelings that come up because sex is a radical form of intimacy. Sex is powerful stuff. Who can she talk to about how it really feels? If she is driving her own car, encourage her to come home at a reasonable hour and to routinely tell her friends that she will be grounded forever if she doesn't make the curfew.
This will make it a little easier for her to get out of situations where she is in over her head. Most important is to encourage her to LOVE herself, to exercise her power to take care of her core self, which is indistinguishable from her body, with confidence and joy. Just want to say thanks to the people who responded to my question about teen dating. Your responses were a help and a support. I have a 12 yr old 7th grade boy who has been getting calls from different girls to go out with him often 8th graders.
Usually it's a girl calling for a friend who wants to go out with him. But now reality hits: Evidently she likes him,too and they've shared their feelings with one another. They see each other only at school. She has let her friends know that she wants to go out with him and they in turn have told him.
Parents with older kids: I want my kids to be open and honest with me and not sneak around if I'm too strict. When I was growing up I snuck out on dates by saying I was going to a friends house.
Advice about Teens Dating
I don't want that with my own kids. If your kids did go steady, how did they handle breaking up? I know a lot depends more on maturity level than on age, but have any of you come up with any rules of thumb methods? Here I am supposedly guiding my son and I'm just as confused as he is. He has definitely been feeling pressure with these phone calls. This much I've learned: I wish the phone calls would stop!
How does a kid say No and not sound like a nerd. If a kid says yes, just what is he getting into? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
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- 14 year old daughter dating an 18 year old. : Parenting?
My daughter graduated from 8th grade in June. There was lots of talk among the girls about going out with so and so. This term means going steady, not actually going on a date, however they may want to go on dates while going out. I have told my daughter that she can go on dates when she is 16 or Meanwhile, they have gone on group dates; this does not imply that physical closeness is out the window.
Lots can happen on a group date.
tezomecita.tk Because of the media hype of sexuality especially on TV these kids are under a great deal of peer pressure to be grown up and cool. Not only are kids' hormones running wild at this age, but TV programming implies that sex is constantly on every adult's mind, and is the primary component of humor. I find this portrayal skewed, to put it mildly. Times are different now. Girls do call boys and I can appreciate your dislike of this practice.
As an alternative to the overemphasis on this, I suggest supporting involvement in sports for girls and boys and helping them to develop and get involved in things they have a strong interest in.