My best friend and ex are dating

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We have a real connection. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm kind of obsessed. And I think she wants to take it to the next level, too. The problem is, my friend had a deep relationship with this girl, and I think he's still kind of in love with her.

So what do I do here? Can I get away with dating my friend's ex? Will he be able to handle this? This is a tough one, because dating a friend's ex is one of the most essential dating taboos. Which is that people never really get over significant romantic relationships.

I don't mean that you can never be happy again after breaking up with someone.

My Best Friend Is Dating My EX Now, And This Is How It Feels

Of course you can. But it's largely a matter of compartmentalizing.


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You get a new and even prettier girlfriend, or hang out with your friends more, or get into jiu jitsu or knitting. You get a new life so you don't spend all your time sitting around and crying about your old one like the baby you are. Sure, people will talk about their old relationships and say that they're "over it" or that it "wasn't meant to be," or pepper you with other related nonsense phrases, but what they mean is they're not thinking about it right now. All of those old wounds stick around, just waiting to be re-opened.

You're always going to feel weird when you see your ex, at least a little bit. If you're still friends with your ex , it wasn't that serious, or it's still serious. And, if you date your friends' ex, you're telling your friend that your romantic feelings are more important than their happiness.

Because they're going to see you holding hands with their ex, and remember how nice that felt, and if you think they won't envision you having sex together, you're being naive.

Is Your Friend Dating Your Ex? 3 Ways To Handle Yourself With Grace And Style | HuffPost Life

Of course, that's going to hurt. Inherently, it's a selfish thing. You're saying, "screw you and your silly emotions, I've got to get laid. Does this mean you should never, ever date a friend's ex?

It means that it's a bad idea, but that's not the same as "never do it. It's possible that you've got an uncommon romance on your hands. Maybe this is your future wife, or muse, or whatever it is that you're looking for. If this is the case, you'd be missing out on years of potential passion if you passed up on this girl for the sake of sparing your friends' feelings.

Like I said, this is a tough one. You've got a hell of a decision to make. Accordingly, you should treat this like any other important decision, which is to say that you should get as much information as possible. First, be real with yourself.


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Is this girl really special to you? Is there actually an uncommon reaction between you — some sort of deep compatibility that's worth alienating your friend for?

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You don't have to pretend to like what's happening, so don't overdo it with sappy sweet congrats and good wishes If you get caught in a confrontation, just smile, have a pre-planned friendly sentence or two to recite, keep it short and sweet, and move on. You probably don't want to get any closer to the action than you need to, so when you're stuck in the same social scene, take the seat at the opposite end of the table, or strike up a conversation with the cute guy or girl at the other end of the bar.

Until you're comfortable with the situation, it's best to avoid confrontation -- it can only make you upset and say or do something you may regret. If you're the person dating your friend's ex, you've got a much harder job. Talk to your friend: Ideally, you know that at best this situation is uncomfortable, and it's your job to talk to your friend.

Your new partner your friend's ex should as well, but remember that they have broken up, while you and your friend are still "together.

If you want to keep your friendship, the worst possible thing you can do is lie. For most people, when all is said and done, it will be more about how you handled the situation versus the situation itself. What won't be excused is dishonesty -- for example, making your friend believe it's "nothing serious" when it really is, or lying about where you really were on Friday night when you bailed on that group dinner. This will destroy trust, and with it any chance of maintaining the friendship.

Same advice, different meaning. You've got the relationship; your friend does not.

Is Your Friend Dating Your Ex? 3 Ways To Handle Yourself With Grace And Style

Try not to flaunt it. There is probably a reason that your friend and the ex broke up in the first place, and over time your friend will most likely realize that. Don't force them to come to that conclusion any sooner than they are comfortable with. Once you've had the initial conversation about the situation, we suggest backing off and letting your friend come to you, when the time is right. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life, BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and expert advice, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward.

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